Welcome to the Harvest Timeline
– 5:34 PM
Mary is sitting on the couch playing a video game. It involves making deals with the devil and other evil interactions so I’m told, although all I can see now is some “thing” with a giant sword mutilating and killing everything in it’s path.
I hear the sounds of grunting and swords clanging together from the living room where video game nerd, AKA Mary is, when suddenly:
Video Game Nerd (AKA Mary, nonplussed): Damn it! You son of a bitch!
She died I guess, but she’s at it again because the grunting and clanging resumes.
– 5:41 PM
I’ve got to go do yard work, which means I’m mad, so I need a beer. In my fridge resides Samuel Adams Harvest Collection 2012 12-pack. It’s their fall, seasonal brews.
I’ve decided I’m going to drink them all.
Well, it looks as though the wife has infiltrated the stash because only eight bottles remain. Guess I’ll drink the eight.
But a goal of eight always begins with the first.
– 5:51 PM
Beer # 1 – Sam Adams Boston Lager: I’m sure a lot of you have had this before. A more full taste than the domestics. It’s a good, easy to drink lager. The peeps over there at Sam Adams know what they’re doing.
I turn my head to type for only a second and this is what I get. The terrorist’s first strike. Relax, he didn’t get any. I might had to have killed him if he did.
– 6:09 PM
Earlier today I bought new line from Lowes for the weed-eater. Upon further inspection, I bought the wrong gauge line. Now I’m more mad than before, but I hate weed-eating so I’m kind of happy too. I guess God wanted me to drink instead.
God is good, and I shall listen to him.
– 6:35 PM
Beer # 2 – Sam Adams Latitude 48 IPA: A good entry into the IPA world. Hoppy, but not an overwhelming amount of hops. I like being overwhelmed by hops, but if you don’t and you want to try an IPA, this is it.
The video game session has ended and Mary and I are tempted to watch an episode of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, however we are both on diets until our trip to the Dominican next month and we don’t want the temptation. So E! News is on instead.
Now I know what you’re thinking; “you’re on an diet and yet you’re going to drink eight beers tonight?”
Yes, that’s exactly right. I can cut back on the fatty foods, but beer?
A man has to know his limitations.
– 7:05 PM
Beer #3 – Sam Adams Hazel Brown: I’m impressed. There are plenty of Hazelnut Browns, and I’ve got to say this is a good one. A very good one. Hazelnut smell, a caramel taste, and a smooth finish.
I’m getting smarmy here. My apologies.
On a side note, we have a free preview of the Epix channels on Dish Network. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never is currently on.
Not drunk enough.
– 7:41 PM
Dude, has anyone seen Justin Bieber: Never Say Never? Enthralling.
Oops, almost forgot:
Beer #4 – Dunkelweizen (at this point, the Sam Adams is implied): It’s a dark wheat beer. Dunkel is German for dark, and I’m a big fan of Dunkels, but this has a banana flavor to it. It’s a Dunkel mixed with a hefeweizen. Another good one by Sam Adams.
Here, learn something.
By the way, Mary just got back from the grocery store and she can tell that I’ve been drinking without dinner.
Oh yeah, dinner?
She doesn’t like me when I drink without dinner, so she’s willing to share hers.
I try something called Orzo, which is a rice type thing from Italy. I’ve never heard of it, but Mary has a helping of it on her plate. She let’s me try a bite. One bite.
Pretty good. Cool, I just had dinner.
– 8:20 PM
Beer #5 – Harvest Pumpkin Ale: Time to head outside for a bit. This shit here, it’s liquid pumpkin pie, plain and simple. You like pumpkin pie? You like this beer.
– 8:29 PM
So I try to FaceTime Mary on our iPhones. Four separate FaceTimes up to this point. With her right next to me. Each time a message pops up on my phone: “Tha Wife is not available for FaceTime.” That means she declined my request. Feel the love.
She’s “Tha Wife” in the contacts in my phone by the way. She knows I’m getting drunk so she’s mad at me.
Friggin’ stick in the mud.
– 9:29 PM
Beer #6 – Octoberfest: Back where we started; at the computer. So it’s been a while since my last beer. The Harvest Pumpkin Ale, while very tasty, isn’t something you can slam. Octoberfest is Mary’s favorite beer, or close to it. While in Boston, she visited Sam Adams Brewery all by herself.
I love her.
– 9:58 PM
So Bruiser, the white terrorist cat, was trying to drink my beer and mess with me all night long. He likes to sleep on the treadmill.
Time to mess with him.
Mary does not approve, heard the commotion and takes pleasure in reprimanding me. Speaking of Mary, she’s been in Virginia since Monday and I have to say, she’s looking pretty good.
She doesn’t even know what’s in store for her tonight.
– 3:17 AM
Woke up on the couch. Alone. Apparently Mary knew what was in store for her and that was a good night’s sleep. All the lights are off and she just left me there. I have to believe it was on purpose.
Now I’m back at the computer finishing this.
I’d be depressed about not getting some if I was a younger man. Now I just want to go back to bed.
So, Sam Adams Harvest Collection 2012. Only drank six out of the eight.
I’m getting old, so cut me some slack. Either way, it’s high quality beer overall.
Tomorrow might be rough.
Cheers. I guess.